im_a_catch: (Denny Begin the Begin)
[personal profile] im_a_catch
In the last few weeks? I’ve faced death a time or want to get technical, I’ve *been* dead a time or two. At least once, if ya figure in the transplant. Then there was the whole mess before that...let me tell you, goin’ that far south ain’t at all pleasant.

More or less, though, I been starin’ Death in the face for the last five years, and let me tell’s exhausting. I been at the honest-to-God end of my rope for longer ‘n I care to admit, so I’m grateful I got my new heart when I did. It’s a hard thing when you live like I have and are the kind of man I am. Quittin’ don’t come easy to me, it never has. So the idea of dying...signing DNR papers, doing what I had to in order to hash out my terms of surrender to this thing that was eatin’ away at my body and my soul? It took still more out of me.

You just get to a point, though...where you get sick and tired of being sick and tired. You ask yourself what you really believe, and I realized that I *did* believe in that hereafter I got brought up with. I knew there was no shame in letting go in favor of something better...but old habits die hard and I am a fighter, no matter what.

And I had something to fight *for*, too...Izzie Stevens. The joy that she gave me, and the courage, the beauty she shared with me...she saved my life. The surgeon that did the procedure was incredible, or so I hear, and all my attendings have been absolutely fantastic, but Izzie?

It’s pretty silly, I know, but around the time I met her, I was even worse off than I was just before the heart came in. I was sick, frustrated, angry, and depressed. So I prayed...I’m a God-fearing man, after all. And you know what I prayed for? Something to keep me going...just a little bit longer, just a little help to keep myself alive. I didn’t even pray for a damn heart...just a ray of light to make the bright side easier to see.

Next day I went in for a heart, and that’s the day I met Izzie.

I don’t believe that meeting was coincidence, and sitting here today? I believe that it ain’t my time to kick off just yet...not when I got me a new heart, an hour outside every day, and from what I saw this morning? A *damn* cute physical therapist. Hell, I been just about bedridden for years now...gotta whip my ass back into shape. She looks the type to do it, too.

I mention I ain’t been laid in a while, either?

Muse: Denny Duquette
Fandom: Grey's Anatomy
Words: 474


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Denny Duquette

November 2008

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