[livejournal.com profile] fandom_muses: Topic 23 - Pain

Jun. 1st, 2006 03:09 pm
im_a_catch: (Denny Devil May Care)
[personal profile] im_a_catch
You want my take on pain? Me, the recovering transplant patient?

No sir...don’t know a thing about it.

Naturally, I’m kidding...you wanna know about pain? It’s doing nothing. You heard me...layin’ in bed, not doing a God-blessed thing. I did that for five damn years and it nearly killed me. Screw my bad heart, convalescing is what almost did me in. Before I got sick? I was doing field work most of the time, research down in the Florida Keys or out on the beaches in California. I was in the gym twice a week doing laps in the pool...least I was ‘til I signed up for a martial arts class that caught my eye. Can’t wait to get outta the hospital...when Izzie sees me in action, choppin’ firewood with my hand? Yep...she’ll be all over me like a cheap suit.

Seriously, though...suffice to say I’m not a man that takes well to sittin’ still. But it’s more than that...it’s the fact that I’m a healthy man. Healthy in my mind and my spirit...just haven’t been in my body. It’s like bein’ a musician with no instrument. You’ve got the music bubbling up inside you, but you don’t have the stuff you need to let that music out. You don’t even got a pen to write it down.

That’s been me...had a little incident after I got my portable LVAD with takin’ the stairs? Damn thing started ‘cause I went and forgot I was sick. I took a flight of stairs ‘cause I *always* take a flight of stairs. I mean...yeah, I realized what I was doing after I took my first step...but I went for it anyway. Why? Because I’m no weakling. I can handle a flight of freakin’ stairs. Hell, I can handle two or three!

But my heart couldn’t.

That’s why it got so far under my skin...not simply because I couldn’t do it? But I forgot I couldn’t do it...and I knew there were a dozen other things I couldn’t do without the heart transplant I’d been waiting for. Couldn’t swim, couldn’t work, couldn’t go back to that martial arts class...

...and I could never go to bed with a woman, one woman in particular that had my eye.

See, a man’s got two hearts...one in his chest, and the one he feels with. Now with that contraption in my belly, they could keep the one in my chest going for a long while, but my other heart? Realizing I was tethered to my sickbed...that I might die without ever being able to even make love to the woman who stole my heart...that’s pain. You don’t get much worse than that.

Now? I’m still in my sickbed...but I ain’t tethered to it no more. I got Izzie Stevens to thank for that...makes me wonder if Dr. Burke’s not just a *little* bit afraid of her, y’know? Girl like that goes a long way to keep a man’s heart beating strong.

In more ways than one.

Muse: Denny Duquette
Fandom: Grey's Anatomy
Words: 515

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Denny Duquette

November 2008

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